Saturday, August 30, 2014

"The Game"

A while back (while I was still married), I picked up a copy of "The Game". This is a book about pick up artists, and all their varied journeys. Probably the term from that community that is most permeated into normal meat-space is "The Neg". If you talk to girls, then they all universally say they hate guys who use this technique and that it doesn't work at all. Must be complete hogwash then, eh?

I'll say that while I'm no pick up artist, it is hard not to recognize the parallels between the skillset proposed in PUA community, that of sales guys, and that of human intelligence (HUMINT, aka what the CIA does). In fact they are all very very similar. As an example, one of the key skills they teach at the CIA used to be the "Cocktail party" scenario. Essentially you play the role of a "Cultural Attache" who is at a fancy party at an embassy and your job is talk to everyone there, determine who is friend and foe, and who has information you would like to elicit, at which point you establish a rapport, get them alone, and get them to accept money for their information.

Last week I (and another female friend of mine) got texted an invite from a girl we had just met to go to a corporate party and maybe hang out. Although my friends thought I was insane, "Look, she might not even be there! And she invited you and a friend, and she's bringing a friend! This is not a date! She probably doesn't like you!" I went anyways. And so ended up in Wynwood walking into a corporation's "5th year celebration" party alone and chatting random people up. Normally, I'm quite introverted but doing sales for a while has made it possible to chat up strangers at parties.

Sales guys have used PUA patter techniques forever. Negs work when you aren't an asshole about them because the original name for that was "teasing" and dates back to your grade school playground. And spooks have driven elicitation and anti-elicitation to a fine art. Later on I'll draw some more connections between the explicit techniques they all use, because I find it personally fascinating.

But this is theoretically tinder tips for girls, so I will say a few observations from the last couple weeks.

1. My game goes all to hell when I am dealing with a girl I really like. Instead of carefully tuned banter that ends up with a girl offering me her phone number, I end up saying things like "What is your phone number? Can I have it?" five seconds after meeting her. I end up being too complementary and completely failing to neg. I cannot begin, as my nanny would say, to "play it cool". Instead of using the stair-step of hand and arm touches you do on a date via PUA standards to indicate to a woman that you're attracted to her, I can't physically approach her at all even when she says verbally that she's ready. (Sometimes this actually works for you - my opening line to Justine was something like "You're one of those girls who stands way too close." which is not something attractive girls hear a lot, but which was true because New Zealand physicality is a lot closer than  here in the US.) Usually when you don't touch girls they assume you are not interested at all, and they mentally turn off. Which is, in this case, not what I'm going for.

And I literally have asked a particular woman out every single day since I met her last week. Insane. But then, losing sleep over women is why dating is fun. Otherwise it's just a job you're doing because you think you should and your ego requires it for some reason.

[edit: also odd, posting a public blog about said process. Clearly not something a PUA would approve of.]

2. I can really only concentrate on one girl at a time. That whole "text with 5 girls at a time" thing Phil was doing at the bar basically means he doesn't like ANY of them. If he liked any of them, he'd be agonizing over that one instead. None of those girls have managed to establish any kind of real connection, which frankly should not be as hard as they're making it look. Phil's line was "I don't know what I want, but I'll know when I find it", which is bullshit because his level of game is good enough that he can get girls to like him without him ever really wanting them at all and aside from the ego stroking I don't know why he bothers. I don't know what the real lesson is here, but there's one there somewhere.

3. I always hear from smart girls about how they can't find any smart guys in Miami. This always cracks me up since I work in an office full of genius level guys, some of whom find it just as hard to find smart girls. I dunno where this constant refrain comes from, but I'll ask the next one who says it. Maybe what they mean is "Smart guys with six packs"? I will admit those are more rare.

Ok, so that's my latest tips. I actually haven't even logged into Tinder for a week.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

"I'm too creative for my own good"

I want to briefly talk about Quotes. For example, I find this girl's quote highly ironic! First of all, when you Google it you cannot find it anywhere. Dr. Levry appears to be a Yogi of some kind. Possibly he is the man in the pictures! A truly surprising number of wedding photos show up on the Tinder. She looks happier than he does in the second one. What do you swipe on this one? She's using Tinder at 9:30 but has never seen her own profile? Are these the only pictures of herself that she has? The dating world is a confusing place.'

NYC Tinder

I spent some time Tindering in NYC and one thing I noticed is that you find out quickly how small the world is. Even with your Tinder distance set to 1 mile you will definitely see lots of people you know on Tinder, and occasionally you will match with them. Which frankly I think is awesome, because the added sexual tension from Tinder-chatting adds a cool extra dimension to your conversation. 
"I'm too creative for my own good"