Friday, October 10, 2014

Divorce and guy coffee

So when the people in my local social group find out I'm getting divorced, I often get invited for coffee's and pulled aside for quiet conversations, and then their own marital problems get dished out.

Which is totally fine - frankly, people need to know they are not alone in all walks of life. I don't know what is more scary: Realizing you are not a unique snowflake, or actually BEING a unique snowflake.

But let's just say that yes, most guys over coffee will talk about how they get hit on all the time by women and wish their wives were interested in sex more than 3 times a month, and also wish they didn't have to suggest it all the time. These guys are in pain - they have a basic need that is just not being met and they are trapped in the system unable to do anything honorable about it. There's a million and one blogs about how to date as a single guy, but basically nothing for these guys, who are basically EVERY guy.

I don't know that many guys who are at all happy with their marriages. This must be true for women as well, but they don't dish to me as much. However, I have noticed that ALL of my married friends (both male and female) have an encyclopedic knowledge of the local swinger's clubs. Not sure what that means!

When I asked a female friend about this (who is also divorced) she said that the female version of this was "I want to want to. But I just don't want to have sex with my husband!" Fair enough.

What it comes down to is that if you talk to a sex worker, they say "Yes, we see basically every married guy in the neighborhood come through our door." Maybe legalizing sex work will be the next domain of liberalization after gay marriage and pot?

Monday, October 6, 2014

Oh the humanity

From Imgur:

"D stands for "dick" in case I couldn't ram my point home enough here."

So my friend asked if my previous blogpost on talking funny was summed up by just "be funny because smart guys like that", but in fact, everybody likes someone who is genuinely funny, because it's insanely hard.

When a PUA talks about "peacocking" they don't mean "Wear nice clothes". Obviously girls know when you're wearing expensive and nice clothes, and that can make you stand out when you're with a bunch of people who are wearing normal clothes, or if you have taste and fashion sense. But you probably don't. What they mean is "Wear something ridiculous." 

For example, I have a shirt that has Bruce Lee on it in sequins. 
"Words fail me, Kung Fu does not."

So when we exhort girls to talk funny, we mean, literally, like Yoda if necessary, although maybe not exactly like Yoda. Please, dear god, not with the apple in the mouth thing though, although you know it must work like a charm.

Oh, and I loved this article from last weekend, where a 38 year old is complaining that she can't get the undivided attention of guys in her age group. 

"They are less, and, to a guy not ready for anything -- like most of the guys I have dated in New York -- less is more."
I think Lewis CK summed it up best though:

Frankly, I think most of the guys I know think accomplishments are pretty hot on a girl. 20-somethings you describe to your friends as their age. They are literally one-dimensional to date. Probably better to be a girl who gets an actual NAME though, maybe?

Friday, October 3, 2014

"I enjoy playin footy and gettin pissed"

A friend sent me these pictures from her tinder-travels. I had to share them!

"I'm not sure if I'm a master of perspective here, or if my legs really are that big in comparison to my head."

"Only genuine women ready to conversate are needed!"

"This taco is my future love for you, unreasonably large and messy!" 
"I'm a McCloud of the McClouds!"

A way with words.

So there was this girl, Andrea, back in college, that talked only in complete sentences. It was so...weird! But it made her completely fascinating. I never did ask her out and I always regretted it.

I hear a ton from women that they can't find smart guys. Even this weekend I was in Key West (which was awesome and one of the great side benefits of living in Miami) and this lawyer my friends tried to set me up with (a 35yo midwestern blonde who liked music more than anything and never talked about her work) told me how she's just looking for a "normal" guy, reasonably smart. There should be no reason she should have trouble finding this very common combination.

Part of the problem, my friends say, is that men will date dumber and nicer women, but women always want a man at least as smart (and mean?) as they are. I don't know if I believe this: I think everyone wants someone basically at their level or else how do you find any of their jokes funny?

In this case, you would have no way of knowing how smart this lawyer was unless you are interested enough to look her up online and essentially read her CV. This is not something most dates do, although frankly they should. What she should have done is let some of her brilliance out and ... just talked funny.

The pick up artist community has a term for wearing funny shirts with shiny bits on them, or big crazy hats called "Pea-cocking". And, let me just say, as dumb as it sounds, it works. Talking funny is exactly like that, but verbally. And if you're a smart lawyer, it makes you fascinating to exactly the guys you are trying to attract. Worth a shot, perhaps?