Thursday, November 20, 2014

It didn't go as planned and that's ok.

"In Mexico City they have many Volkswagon Beetles!"
I'm not sure why, but this VERY confident Tinder chick caught my eye, since her strategy is so opposite everyone else's. Despite her rather androgynous name you can tell it's a girl from "I live to travel" as the second thing she says. I wish I knew how well this model worked for her: I don't know any guys who would right swipe someone with so many hangups. I kinda want to set up a fake account and try out her "mega-neg: you are not good enough for me and you can't even see what I look like" technique to see how it goes.

I haven't been to Mexico City in a while - and when I went it was great, like she says. Hold on, I will find a picture:
I'm not high, I'm just drunk, I promise. Yes, that is a Dawson's Creek tee shirt I am wearing.

Sunday, November 16, 2014


I am the most honest "gold-digger" on tinder.

I'm not actually using tinder to date now, I have to admit. But I still BROWSE tinder, because it's hilarious.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

How guys use tinder, explained in 1 word


I had this conversation last night with a girl who had just gotten out of a six month relationship she had started with a tinder date. And one question she had, which I've heard a lot from girls, is "Why after we match does the guy not send a message?"

It's totally right that it is the guy's job essentially to send the first message. And guys WILL do this, but they basically do it in a queue. Each girl gets messaged in turn. So if you happen to be a slightly worse potential fit, further away than walking distance, or simply match him later in the day, he'll start messaging you after he finishes with the girls ahead of you in line.

The good thing about this is that you know that while he's messaging you, when he's actually being serious about meeting up for drinks, he's not messaging a bunch of other Tinder dates at the same time. We do this because IT IS EASY TO GET DATES ON TINDER. You already know they find you attractive (probably based entirely on your height). So if you message two girls, you will end up having to tell one of them "Sorry, I can't meet tonight", which seems like a waste of good flirting.

This is one of those things that probably changes as guys get older. I've seen younger dudes message eight girls the same horrible pick up line and just pick the first one that gets back to them with a number. Guys in their thirties who've used Tinder more than a month generally swipe left as much as you do, and are generally busier and more likely to only message you when they actually want to meet up.

FYI! :>

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

You and your emotions.

This amazing picture wins Tinder Pic of the week!

What I wanted to highlight in this post was how girls can do emoticons as a second language. Let me post another picture and you can tell me what she is trying to say...

VERY SELECTIVE. Guaranteed left swipe for "obvious drama queen" but then she is friends with Matthieu Suiche...

If you give that picture to a girl, she'll say "She loves the outdoors, making out, bike riding, travel, and biceps" or something else that is apparently obvious from the carefully curated tiny picture selection. A guy will think "She likes many colors" and leave it at that, maybe swipe through a few of her pictures to see if any of them are hot enough to justify insane pressure of dating a girl who clearly wants to get knocked up IMMEDIATELY.

Here's another one:
I love love, and I love loving love. And I love loving that I love love. Or something.

Ok, so here is the actual tinder date tip of the day: Know your own game.

By that I mean there are some specific trigger phrases that guys respond to automatically if they've dated for longer than 2 months. One of them is the most basic female response of "I NEVER do this on a first date", where this can be anything from "kissing" to "Gorean-style bondage role play".    

You don't want guys on automatic pilot though - you want them surprised because surprised equals engaged. Try turning it around with "This is the first time I've <whatever> on a first date". Just an idea! :>

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Most people handle break-ups poorly...

Obviously fake imgur post is obviously fake, but still funny!

So I have a few rules about break-ups which I will now, PURELY COINCIDENTALLY, share with you. ;>

1. They are not often forever. There's a reason that when divorced guys are newly dating all your dates will ask in various ways ranging from "hints" to "outright questions with lie detectors attached" whether you are getting back together with your ex-wife. So fuckin' relax about it.

2. You probably learned something pretty valuable. Unless you are stupid, or just not paying attention, whoever you dated brought some unique experience to the table and you took it away with you. It might even be something that gets you laid in the future. Who knows?

3. Your guy friends miss you. (Or, if you are a girl, your guy friends who are secretly into you miss you - this isn't!) Luckily, being guys, you can be away from them for a few years, and then go have beers and literally nothing will have changed about your relationship.

In no particular order, I will add some various shots from today's facebook where a girl and a guy have it out in public after announcing two days ago they were newly in an open relationship...