Thursday, June 16, 2016

Dealing with big issues while you're dating

So occasionally it's not all fun and games. Sometimes you're dating a girl and something big and horrible happens, a brutish finger poked through the paper mache world you've created of restaurants, movies, and white wine in order to have sex with her.

In every way that is not something a hipster would say on stage during beat poetry night at the bar, dating is a journey into finding out who you are. But you're going to ask questions of yourself you didn't expect. "Am I loved, or just needed?" is the one I hear most often inside my head, but on the other hand, what's the worst case scenario here? You're someone worth needing. Tell yourself that and move on with life.
"Asia Fit L - that won't offend anyone" said the designers.

This isn't a serious blog. I will now include a picture of a label from the long underwear I bought today to climb Mt. Rainier next month. I've never climbed anything before, partially because I like it warm and tropical and there are no mountains in Miami, and partially because I have the kind of lungs that prefer it at sea level. And I've never helped anyone through anything like what the woman I'm dating right now is going through. But sometimes you just have to put on your big boy pants and head up the mountain.

Ask yourself at what point the girl you're dating gets to veto your trip to the summit. Is there a point where that happens? If not, what does that mean? 

The Hardest Thing is to Let Go

People always think the hard part about hooking up with girls is getting them in bed. But the hard part really is in letting them know what you want so that you actually enjoy the experience. When you're 40, it's not just "Any concave, reasonably moist body cavity will do".

Being about to connect with someone sexually so that you (and ideally they) actually get off is the skill that is so rare to learn if you grew up, as I did, as a super-geek. Sometimes you get lucky, and chemistry carries you over the drawbridge, so to speak. But if you're like me, your day job gives you a level of anxiety that would kill an ox, and so only the best head will get you out of your normal mindspace and able to relax and enjoy yourself.

"Leaning in" is surprisingly good "giving head" advice for both sexes!
In any case, I wanted to share a magical trick that my friend taught me. It is this: when someone is inexperienced and you are with them, and you need to save face, but change how something is happening because it is not fun or painful or just feels weird, you say "Look, I don't know how other girls you know have liked you doing this, but *I* like it THIS way." Always works, everyone saves face, better life experiences all around.